This post a is a quickie - yup I borrowed that word (to the chagrin of some of you maybe)
I am dashing it off on an impulse because I fear the words will evaporate from that space in my head where they have newly formed themselves.
Most people I know have an ex(a lover, a spouse, a sibling or parent, even a so-called best friend) with whom there has been a bitter parting. Bitter partings are often the natural consequence of unrealistic expectations and commitments, and most of all assumptions. I've been in those spaces and I carry bitter-sweet memories too.
But this post is about something else and I'll come out with it.
For some folks I know, there is one ex who is their best friend. They love each other for life by which I mean true, unconditional love. Love unsullied by the strings of a relationship, the most sacred of which can often cut into you and leave you scarred. They love in the purest sense and often setting each other free is the most loving gift they give each other. They don't tie themselves together on the mundane plane often because they are on distinct, individual journeys that are vital to who they are and who they want to grow into. And perhaps they are the ones who will find a way to be by your side when those who promised to do that, find themselves unable to.
I know some of my readers will relate to this with positive feeling while it might be triggering to others.
And I don't think this post wrote itself quite as it created itself in my head but that's bound to happen when the mundane impinges on the quiet time one needs with the self to transfer those feelings authentically onto the page. But here it is because it felt the need to pour itself out.
Read and share your thoughts. Maybe you have such a person in your life? I know a couple of people who do.
PS - if you are lucky there could be more than one. In my own case, my loves are all partly tied someplace else while I travel through life solo. Do the strings hurt them and have they ever felt the need to untie some or all? I believe yes in a couple of cases. Do I for my part find myself loving a person that way? I don't have an easy answer. Maybe there'll be another post and more time to find out.
Meanwhile I'll leave you with my beloved kadam tree that grew before my eyes and showered her love on me till Amphan threw her down in one brutal blow. She still stays there within view, her leafless form etched against all hues and cloud patterns that melt in and out behind her. She is another kind of ex - her form standing by me, her spirit within me. My post Words Unspoken, Tears Unshed prompted me to include this image with these words. In fact sharing the link a few minutes earlier with a friend, led to this post being created.
Once again this is for Gauri Lankesh
I instantly connected with this post. It's because I have realized the futility of paired thinking. You must write more often Maya and please tag me lest I miss your new posts!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for commenting so aptly, for finding resonance.
DeleteI will write and I will tag. I think you missed my last post written after a long gap. I will tag you
Beautifully expressed, Maya. I feel to have an ex with whom you can have that unconditional relinking power is itself a blessing. I wish people left only their relationships and not their love.
DeleteKeep writing and shedding light on the less explored domains of human character. Much love.
It is indeed a blessing and I am fortunate to know people who have this in their lives. We could all find ourselves closer to this good fortune if we were less driven by the need to abide by a pre set narrative and allowed more nuance and room for us to grow and evolve in our connections. Thank you for commenting with such depth of understanding. Much love back.
DeleteI admire the fortress of strength that you are. Your words are evidence that beauty can be extracted from hurt...
ReplyDeleteLet me share my experience in a nutshell. There was someone who couldn't be X because they had never solidly established themselves as Y. I had grown roots fast and had no emotional mechanism to deal with being uprooted. There started a noir nightmare. Z came along and firmly established herself as Y to give me roots again. Then came a time when the tree needed to move but Y had built a hearth around it. For this Y to become X, I needed to have a bitter parting with the person who taught me how to deal with bitter partings. I had learnt well. I wish Sensei the best wherever she is...
The end.
That was beautifully expressed. You clearly write comments like a song writer. Fascinating story of growth and change and letting go.
DeleteI was so touched by this image of the tree. it's solitude is not the pain of desertion, but of not flowering to its potential, of being unjustly routed from her earth. I would love to just stand there and watch this congruent triangle of life where life, fate, and purpose meet and stretch. Before you mentioned, I never thought of (neither thus celebrated) this form of desertion. So, love to fleeting moments of life, people who left me or left by circumstance, people who lent a helping hand known and unknown, rivers that opened up and mountains that fed me silence. Good bye not as abandonment but wilful desertion for we shall not ass the same path twice.
ReplyDeleteWow - this is such a profound comment. Thank you for feeling connected with the post and for responding so beautifully. You come through as a fine writer and a soulful being. I love what you say about rivers opening up and mountains feeding you silence. You have taken this thought stream to a different level. Please keep visiting this space. How did you find your way here?
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